Stay with me

Don’t cry for me when I’m gone,
No point in wasting tears.
Our time will come one day
And I’m just confronting my fears.
Though it’s not really a fear,
It’s more like a destiny.
Sometimes I sit and wonder,
Is this life really for me?
Cause I’ve seen, seen, heard, felt.
I’m done, I hope your proud of where I’ve come,
You’ve seen me grow and helped me through.
And there is no repaying’ you.
I’m here and I feel like I’m delaying you, betraying you.
And when I’m gone I hope that someone’s saving you.

My reasons

So I set up this blog basically to share my life with no-one, and maybe someone. Not for pity or anything, just because at this moment in my life, I don’t have a single person who I feel I can talk to about this stuff. I’m not a very emotionally expressive person at the best of times, but when I have realisations in my life where I need place to talk about this kind of thing just for the sake of being able to talk about it.

I’ve been through a few ups and downs in recent years. But most recently I’ve come to the realisation that I’m not the person I want myself to be. My friends are not the people I want them to be. I want to be someone else but felled trapped because of my current friends and my place in the social spectrum. I’d say I’d like to be different, but I don’t think I could change, and that’s what’s getting to me – and I hate that – I do want to change my life, how I live, how I act, how I socialise, how I dress, how I look. But I can’t, that’s not “me” as some I know would say. It may not be me, but it’s the me I want to be.

I’ve become set in my ways, complacent in the fact that now at 24, I can’t change my entire life, I can’t change who is in my life. So why should I even try. I’m kind of happy sometimes. Maybe that’s what life is, maybe that’s what my life is. Being me isn’t great alot of the time, but there’s a few times where I wouldn’t have wanted things to change. But those few times are outweighed and I think about it most of my days.

I will change, or will I. Probably not. But maybe I will.

 

Who am I supposed to be? Who will I be?